Our species was given the name Homo Sapiens, meaning wise man. Not surprisingly, the appellation was given by one of our species. The accuracy of the designation is debatable. A good case could be made that a better name would have been, storytelling man. We love a story. In childhood, we don’t ask daddy to tell us a bedtime philosophical argument, we want a bedtime story. We pay money to see movies that are stories and we spend hours in front of a TV watching stories. We gossip, which is storytelling, and we try to get out of trouble with a good story.
Throughout our lives we tell ourselves stories about whom we are. We have stories about how we got to be the way we are. We have stories about our successes and about our failures. Some of our stories are unfolding and they predict what will happen to us. Often they repeat over and over.
Storytelling is such a part of how we think that we may be unaware that we are telling stories. One person will have a story that bad things always happen to them. Another will have a story that they deserve good things. One story will be that people can’t be trusted and another will be about money being hard to come by. Other people may perceive us spinning this life determining yarn. We are usually less able to recognize it for what it is.
The story can be a trap. Once you have cast yourself in a role, you will be inclined to play out the role. Once the theme is established, you will likely adhere to the trajectory of the story. Our future can be predicted by the story we are telling ourselves, but just as the hero in a movie can’t recognize the implication of his or her next move, though the audience may, we may be the last to see where we are headed.
When we worry and regret, we are in a scary or sad story. When we hold ourselves back from opportunities, we are in a story of our limitations. As appealing as storytelling is, it can be useful to get out of our stories.
The character in a story can’t change the script. But the author can. One needs to shift into a higher level of awareness to change the story or to move out of it entirely.
Some people might need a therapist who is interested in stories to help figure out the tale. Others may be able to observe the plot lines through journaling. Just thinking about one’s life with the intention of self-observation may be helpful. Once we recognize that we are story making, we can start making choices that either take us out of the story, allow us to choose a different story, or change the nature of the story.
When you observe your unhappiness, ask yourself what story you are telling yourself. Is it a familiar one? Do you want to play this out, or is it time to do a rewrite? Also, mindfulness is a way to step out of the story. When we are present in the now, we are no longer in a scene unfolding, we just are.
© 2010 Tom Barrett